Who's Driving Your Life?
From Boundaries to Self-Trust and Turning Down the Noise in Our Lives.
Personal Story
Last week, we talked about boundaries. Learning when to say no, protecting our time, and not feeling guilty about it.
But something I was thinking and talking about with some fellow Peace Warriors, once we create those boundaries, what are we actually making room for?
Hopefully, ourselves but too often do we find ourselves making other plans with the time that we've created. Worse, we spend the entire time guilty, thinking about what we should be doing, rather than what we want to do.
I want to go back to something I shared in an earlier video. Imagine your heart is the driver of a car and your brain is the navigator.
Your heart knows what matters to you. Your brain helps you figure out how to get there. They're supposed to work together.
Somewhere along the way, we've somehow managed to invite the entire internet into the backseat. Although it's frustrating and we wish we didn't let external influences drive our decision making or feelings about ourselves, it's normal! Social media is so accessible these days, we can be told what we should look like, how we should eat, what to wear, how to exercise, all within 10 minutes of mindless scrolling.
As a former history teacher, I find this especially interesting. Throughout history, families, communities, traditions, and social expectations have influenced how people think and make decisions.
But never before have we carried thousands of other people's opinions around in our pockets.
We wake up and check our phones. We wait in line and check our phones. We sit at a red light and, hopefully, DON'T check our phones.
We've become so accustomed to filling every quiet moment that silence almost feels uncomfortable.
For 22 years, I taught students to examine sources, question perspectives, and consider whose voice was missing from the story.
Maybe it's time we ask ourselves that same question.
With all the voices influencing our lives, when do we actually hear our own?
The Peace Warrior Pause
Think about the last time you had to make a decision.
Did you stop to consider what you really wanted? Or did you immediately ask five people, Google it, or scroll through reviews, and somehow end up sucked into someone cleaning carpets at 2x speed?
We've all been there.
There's nothing wrong with asking for advice. I believe different perspectives are important. But somewhere along the way, we can become so dependent on outside opinions that we forget to check in with ourselves. This is something that is completely human and since other peoples opinions are so common these days, if we keep getting frustrated with ourselves, we don't give ourselves enough grace to be kind to ourselves and the space to trust our own decisions.
That's where self-trust comes in.
Self-trust doesn't mean always knowing the right answer. It means being willing to listen to yourself and make a choice, without debating whether it was the right or wrong answer.
Your heart doesn't need to overpower your brain. And your brain doesn't need to talk your heart out of everything. We cannot convince ourselves of feeling our feelings just as much as we cannot feel our way through understanding a situation.
And here's another question worth asking:
Are the choices you're making actually yours, are they based on what everyone else thinks you should be doing, or are they based on what you think you should want?
The Peace Warrior Path
Can We Just Be Quiet for Five Minutes?
When we are driving somewhere at night and looking for an address, we instinctively turn the radio down. Why? It's not like we can hear the correct house, but by turning down the noise, we can make a more focused choice.
If we let our minds wander, without the noise, we can hear more of what our heart is trying to tell us. We might like what we hear, we might not, but it's our voice. No one can take that away from us.
I try to ask myself:
What am I feeling?
What do I need?
What do I actually want?
And while you're enjoying that quiet, I encourage you to revisit a little of YOUR own history. Think about the experiences that shaped you, the choices you've made, and what you've learned along the way. Sometimes understanding where we've been helps us figure out where we want to go. But don’t dwell!
You might be surprised by what comes up when you give yourself a chance to listen.
Remember, boundaries aren't only about saying no to other people. Sometimes they're about saying no to the constant noise we've allowed into our lives.
Because if we want to trust ourselves, we have to get to know ourselves.
And that starts by listening.
Keep Exploring
Read: The Art of Stillness by Pico Iyer. A short read about the value of slowing down in a world that rarely stops moving.
Listen: Try taking a walk without a podcast or playlist. I know, groundbreaking! But sometimes the most important voice to hear is your own.
Think About: Who are the backseat drivers in your life? Family? Friends? Social media? And how much influence are you giving them?
Try This: Find five minutes of quiet every day this week.
No scrolling. No multitasking. Just you.
READY TO EXPLORE WHAT'S NEXT?
One thing I've learned through teaching and coaching is that we can't build confidence or self-trust if we're constantly looking to someone else for the answers.
At Peace Warrior Coaching, I partner with young people, parents, and educators to build self-awareness, resilience, and the confidence to make decisions that reflect their own strengths, interests, and values.
Sometimes the first step isn't figuring out what to do next.
It's getting quiet enough to hear what matters to YOU.
So this week, give your heart and brain a chance to talk. And tell the backseat drivers to be quiet.
Peace Warrior Coaching — Trust yourself. Build resilience. Thrive with confidence.